The posts April 1, 2025 by LRob

For the first time, LRob played the April 1st game. And for a first, I went all out! No less than 7 LinkedIn posts were planned throughout the day. With a logical sequence and cross-references between posts. For those who missed them, here are the posts in the order in which they appeared.

1. Norton Antivirus for WordPress

🦠🔒 [NEW] Norton Antivirus for WordPress - now installed by default on all sites in PHP 7.4 and lower at LRob!

Because safety waits for no one, LRob pushes the boundaries of innovation even further.

➡️ Today, we're proud to announce the exclusive integration of Norton Antivirus for WordPress on our hosting products to protect even the most vintage sites.

💡 Thanks to this revolutionary technology :

- Every vintage site is scanned every 4 hours for Windows 95 viruses.
- In the event of a detected threat, Norton triggers a complete site restart sequence to "get things back on track" (this has always worked well with Internet boxes).
- The visitor's screen may flash during the scan, to show that security is active.

🧽 Bonus: the plugin automatically installs a "Norton Safe Web" toolbar on your site's front-end. So you can brag about your level of security at the coffee machine.

💬 Coming in 2027: "Norton Purge Cache Premium Edition", which empties your cache every time the server's mood changes.

Surf with peace of mind! ☺️

PS: Look at the date. 😜

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

2. Your WordPress site's astro sign - Quantum technologies

🔮 NEW at LRob: discover the Astro sign of your WordPress site thanks to quantum technologies! 😱

After centuries of astral research (and a little incense), we're proud to launch AstroWeb™, our digital divination tool.

💫 Thanks to the quantum intertwining of your DNS and the vibrational alignment of your tags, we're now able to determine your website's star sign.

Examples of profiles:
♑ Capricorn: serious site, very structured, but never loads its fonts properly.
♐ Sagittarius: unstable theme, changes extension every month, loves sliders.
♋ Cancer: fills your database with never-before-published emotional drafts.
♈ Aries: attack in force with 14 popups at the entrance, without cookies or mercy.

🧘‍♂️ Bonus: depending on your ascendant (server and time zone dependent at time of first upload), we'll propose an SEO rebalancing plan based on lunar cycles.

💻 The whole thing is of course powered by a quantum-vibrational algorithm coded in Fortran, powered by energy crystals and a Raspberry Pi revitalized by 8 Reiki sessions a day for 2^4 years.

PS: Look at the date. 😜

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

3. Data center smoke signal support

🔥 Experimental test at LRob: smoke signal support in datacenter.

Innovation through low-tech at the customer's service.
What could be better?

From now on, your preferred support can be contacted via directional smoke signals, emitted directly from our datacenters.
🏭🔥🔥

💨 Why this innovation?

- IPv6 compatible.
- No more email, ticket or online chat.
- Eco-responsible (no bandwidth consumption).
- Works even if the datacenter's air conditioning gives up the ghost 🔥

Messages are then read, interpreted and relayed by our shaman sysadmin trained in elementary communication.

🚨 Tip: avoid messages that are too long, at the risk of being mistaken for the start of a fire.
(any resemblance to real-life situations is fortuitous)

PS: Look at the date. 😜

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

4. Infrastructure upgrade to Windows Server 2003

This post was the most successful ever, with almost 20,000 views on April 4, and counting! Bonus: it was posted at 2.45pm, right on time for the screenshot. Fun fact: a young person called me to ask for a job following this post (but I'm not hiring yet).

🖥️ Major upgrade of our infrastructure to Windows Server 2003 💾

To stay at the forefront of technology and security, LRob will today be migrating all its servers to Windows Server 2003.

🕗 Maintenance schedule: today between 8am and 6pm
In case of absence, please provide us with your Yahoo address.

Why this bold choice?

✅ Optimal compatibility with COM port printers, for printing emails directly from the datacenter for other developments also arriving today... (to be continued!)
✅ Say goodbye to SSH and hello to Windows Explorer, with its beautiful, modern interface that's much easier to use on a server.
✅ Reconnecting with the true values of computing (it's Microsoft that's better)
✅ Daily reboot, so that servers wake up after the hangover of the previous day
✅ A much lighter system thanks to the removal of unnecessary security (we now have Norton on our vulnerable sites anyway!).

💡 Important: Please do not reboot your 56k optical technology modem during migration.
Indeed, a disconnection could trigger a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Delight™) on your website.

Services will resume as normal once Service Pack 2 has been found and installed somewhere on an old CD-R.

ℹ️ After migration, please note that Linux and Macintoch will no longer be supported. You'll have to use Internet Explorer 7 or lower to navigate. You can now uninstall Google Chrome and other technological excesses.

A small step for man, but a giant leap for Billou!

PS: Look at the date. 😜

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

5. Eco-responsible e-mails... By La Poste (& Pigeon Express)

📬 New eco-responsible policy at LRob: your e-mails now delivered... by La Poste (or pigeon express, depending on the urgency).

At LRob, we place the environment at the heart of our technological decisions. 🌿

That's why today we're announcing the complete migration of our e-mail system to a more sustainable model - literally and figuratively. 🐔

🕊️ A real email migration, now carried out by migratory birds trained in the SMTP protocol, in partnership with La Poste.

🟢 Here's how it works:

- All your e-mails are printed directly in our datacenters, on COM port printers, made compatible thanks to our recent upgrade to Windows Server 2003 (a technological milestone).

- The paper is recycled from old quotes from unaccepted freelancers.

- The ink comes from printer cartridges forgotten in meeting rooms since at least two restructurings.

- Local delivery by La Poste, or bio-compostable carrier pigeon for urgent messages.

- Each pigeon is fitted with a Wi-Fi harness that is deactivated to save energy.

💡 In case of overload, our trainee recopies emails by hand, with a recycled quill from an ex-dreamcatcher.

📦 SMTP and IMAP services will gradually be replaced by an innovative technology, IPD: Impression Papier Delay™.

Let's hope this update will finally satisfy even the most demanding deliverability customers. ☺️

PS: Look at the date. 😜

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

6. Clippy lands in Gutenberg

📎 Revolution for WordPress users: Clippy finally lands in Gutenberg!

Because editing content can be... confusing, Matt Mullenweg (founder of WordPress) decided to integrate a legendary wizard to guide you through the world of blocks.

➡️ From now on, Clippy will be an integral part of the Gutenberg editor, as a contextual overlay.

🧠 Thanks to a revolutionary AI, hidden by Microsoft since 1997 in Clippy's algorithm, it has been debrided and will now know :

- Guess what you want to write before you even know yourself
- Suggest inserting a "Buy Now" button on any existing paragraph
- Automatically convert your H1 titles to Comic Sans for added punch

💬 "It looks like you're trying to write a blog post. Would you like to: 🔲 Delete everything? 🔲 Add 12 random emojis? 🔲 Switch to spirituality mode?"

⚠️ To avoid any errors, the "Close Clippy" option will only be available after you have correctly filled in a hieroglyphic captcha.

Builders beware! All this is really going to revolutionize your publishing via WordPress! 📎📎

PS: Look at the date. 😜

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

7. Sponsored error messages

Worst of all, it can technically be done, and it's not that complicated. 🤣

🚧 New at LRob: sponsored error messages!
Is your site unstable? -> Earn Eugros thanks to its quantum fluctuations! 🤑

The more unstable your site, the more you win! 💵💵💵
An allegory of capitalism on a smaller scale!

Bonus: You can also earn Eugros on blocked pirate requests!
(see 403 errors, simulated 4K ultra HD image zoomed x4000 of the screen of a novice hacker recommended to purchase sponsored training)

💡 Revolutionary AI technology hidden since 1997.

All error and maintenance pages are dynamically generated by CSAI™ (Contextual Sponsoring Artificial Intelligence™).

A technology well hidden in the Clippy algorithm, by Microsoft in 1997 and which we managed to exploit thanks to the recent upgrade of our infrastructure to Windows Server 2003. 😎 This one's exclusive to LRob - even Apple hasn't copied it yet!

ℹ️ Examples of active partnerships :

- Page "Site under construction" ➡️ Bosch tools ad (to keep with the theme)
- Error 500 ➡️ Promo on fire extinguishers and gas hobs
- Error 403 ➡️ "Become an ethical hacker in 10 days" training course
- Migration in progress ➡️ Alert "Moving boxes on sale at Castorama".

🧠 The whole thing is of course driven by an emotional ad placement AI, capable of detecting the user's state of mind according to all the cookies eaten by it.

🛠️ Bonus: If the visitor remains on the "Site under construction" page for more than 12 seconds, a "This site is under construction, but not your future" soundtrack will play automatically.

💬 A great scholar once said "Only stupidity is stupid".
On this April 1st, we're reclaiming this adage:
▶️ Inefficiency is efficiency!

PS: Look at the date. 😜
(this was the last post of the day, I hope you'll have at least as much hair as I did making them!)

LinkedIn Post April 1st - Robin

Conclusion

As mentioned in the last post, I hope all this has made you smile!

I have ChatGPT to thank for the feat of coming up with some ideas, which I modified quite a bit, to write the whole thing, complete with illustrative images, to plan posts all day, all in just 1.5 hours. Who knew AI was so good at generating nonsense? 😜

For real, crackling news, don't hesitate to visit the LRob blog and follow me on LinkedIn.